I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
