I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
