I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's never too late to be topless.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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