Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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