walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
