im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
