STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
