am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
