so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize