Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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