Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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