i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if only i could text you this smell
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
