I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
