I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
