I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
