Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
