I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
