oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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