I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
