But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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