I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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