Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
