Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Randomize
