its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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