you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
