so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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