There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
