I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
