Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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