five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
