Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
