Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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