goodnight i made you a song goodbye
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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