proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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