The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
