:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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