Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
