dude i'm inner monologue high
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
