yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
