Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
