I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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