We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
