Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
