tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
