I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
