arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
