I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
