her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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