I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
