Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You need a sexual gate keeper
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
