just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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