Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
