I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
