but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
