Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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