Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
