Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So vagazzling was a success
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
