No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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