i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
