I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
