Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
