NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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