im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
