Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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