i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
