My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
