i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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