You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
