Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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