i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love you. Go after that dick
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize