I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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