ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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