I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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