DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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