i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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