i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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