She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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