Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
