What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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