dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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